Every year at this time we mark the anniversary of my mothers passing by making a candle.  My family gathers together with wine, beer and endless snacks and we get down to business.  Our candle man Jeff sets us up with molds of our choosing, unique scents and an assortment of colors and then we start the process of melting wax.  My dad would say it is like watching grass grow.  But, it is so so much more than that.It has now been 6 years and each year something changes in us and in our relationship with this loss.  This process bears witness to that change and brings my family together.  Even if only for one night, we get to talk about my mom and miss her openly.

For me, this year was especially emotionally tricky because I had a year my mom would have LOVED.  I could be sad because she missed it or happy because she would have been so proud.  I married my best friend in what could only be described as the best wedding ever.  Really.  You all would have had a great time.  My business got busier and better…  AND, I finally started to feel a sense of peace in my every day.  I know that sounds dramatic but it’s true.  Things without my mom are starting to really be OK and while that is sad, but very powerful and important.  I have moved on from my grief and worked to redefine myself and my family without what was our core, our heart.  our mom.  We miss her but we are OK.

It also seems to bring me closer and closer to what I do for all of you.  The importance of pictures is deeply ingrained in me whenever I think about the images I wish I had with my mom at my own wedding, or as part of the last 6 years.  I continue to find meaning in what I do because this time of hear reminds me that it matters beyond all of us.  These images help define our memories of people and of a time in our life.  They capture relationships and personalities.  That is special and I am proud to be a photographer.

Miss you Julie Ann Farr 🙂

This is my mom and dad on their wedding day, almost 40 years ago.

This is a NPR radio lab I was listening to today, titled after life:  http://www.radiolab.org/2009/jul/27/