Waiting Time

The song “Wake me up when September ends” came out the September my mom died.  It was a Green Day hit and seemed to play every time I sat in the car, which was a lot since I was living between a hotel in Longmont and my parents house in Niwot while moving into an apartment in Denver… while working in Boulder.  My sister was getting married so I was already taking time off to celebrate that, but working is a term I use loosely.  My company knew my mom had taken a bad turn and knew I was struggling so let me come in as I could, which I will be forever thankful for.

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September is typically gorgeous, the cool crisp night air feels amazing and having the windows open is such a treat.  The leaves are changing and football is back on TV.  My work gets busy, senior sessions get moving and weddings are in full effect.  These are things I love… but, this time of year is really hard.  I feel it in my soul before I am aware of it in my head.  There is that feeling of loss.

This year there is something new and scary to think about.  Our old dog Joker has been having a hard time.  He is suddenly not moving well and when he gets his body down to nap, he sleeping as if he just hiked a 14er.  Our walks are limited to a block.  I have been carrying him up and down our back stairs.  It is tough to witness, tough to be a part of and even harder to think about what might be next.  This little furry friend has been my constant since I met my husband in October of 2008, my husband best friend for 14 years.  Our other dog Lincoln has become his ears and part time eyes…  they are true brothers.

So, right now, I sit.  Waiting in a coffee shop in Louisville as they give our old dog Joker an ultrasound.  He might have a tumor, he might have cancer, he might not be with us much longer.  It is so sad it is hard think about or imagine.  It is even harder to process alone (hubs is out of town)… so here I am.  Loving my dog, missing my mom, and waiting for September to end.

(Thank you to my friend Emily at Keeping Composure Photography for the great photos of my pup!)

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Joker update, posted here

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